"I'm not any of that stuff," Hyuk-jae said, "but that's okay." The rest of it he understood far more than Nagisa's list of reasons about his person. The Firebender couldn't help but wonder how long it would be before he disappointed Nagisa, how upset the man would be when he witnessed a fit. Held up to such a high standard, there was no way to go but down.

Reaching for him, the shorter man tugged Hyuk-jae head until their eyes met. Nagisa apologized for the things he'd said, trying to explain his behavior. Hyuk-jae wasn't sure he wanted to keep talking. It sure seemed like his previous work bothered Nagisa. Was the man going to throw it in his face every time they argued? Augh, Hyuk-je didn't want to talk about it. He preferred to just move on from the fight, step over it. They could always address the problem later, when they were both calm. Disliking how mellow Nagisa had become, he frowned.

"Because I cried all night thinking you didn't love me. I wanted to give myself a day to recuperate, to adjust, and show you my best side. Guess I failed at that."

"Yeah, kind of," said Hyuk-jae. Then he smiled. "But I forgive you. I know you're not perfect. You know I'm not perfect… don't you?" He pulled the younger man to him again, kissing him insistently. Couldn't Nagisa tell how he felt just by how he touched him? Couldn't he taste it? Trailing gentle fingers along Nagisa's jaw, Hyuk-jae let his other hand slide down the man's thigh.

How could Nagisa just want to talk at a time like this? His assertive behavior earlier already had the Firebender worked up, and he wasn't prepared to sit down and sing kumbaya together. "I don't want to talk," he pleaded, not sure if Nagisa would get the message unless he was blatant. Hopefully just kissing him against the locker wasn't the only thing the shorter man had in mind? He had seemed so ready a moment ago!

And honestly, when it came to Nagisa, Hyuk-jae was always ready.

When the door opened, Hyuk-jae groaned. Very audibly. He swore, pushing away from the locker, muttering something about timing and people and waiting a very long time for this, thanks very much. He spent the rest of his evening in a haze, unable to go very long without thinking about Nagisa and his lips and going home. It was torture!

He was nice enough to their clients, but it was hard to concentrate on them. Hyuk-jae let Nagisa drag him around once their last client left, quickly packing up his lunchbox and the book Lee had given him. The shorter man bossily put them into a cab despite Hyuk-jae preference for walking and turned down his suggestion of going back to the Firebender's apartment.

Well, with good reason. Nagisa's place was closer. By the time they'd gotten there Hyuk-jae had already gotten his hand up inside his boyfriend's shirt at least once and they ran, a little breathless, up the front steps. As soon as the door shut behind them Nagisa was on him, pushing him up against it. A thrill went down Hyuk-jae's spine. This was an entirely new side of the shorter man — more confident, more assertive. It was beyond attractive. The Firebender's hands went for the buttons of his shirt immediately.

"I want you."

Grinning almost indecently, Hyuk-jae crushed their mouths together, pausing his attempt to unbutton the other man's shirt. Before long he could feel his boyfriend's breath on his ear and he shivered, excited. This felt different than any other time he'd been with someone. He wasn't an idiot — he knew it was because he'd never been with someone he was in love with before. The thought of it was almost intoxicating.

Abruptly, Nagisa stopped, pulling back.
"What?" Hyuk-jae gasped, almost a whine. "No, don't stop — why are you stopping?"

"What's this? What happened?"

What was he talking abou-- oh. Yoshida, right. That man and his fetish. Hyuk-jae had forgotten about the bruising around his neck, suspiciously hand-shaped. He had a matching one about one wrist, under his red bracelet. He hadn't thought anything of them, to be honest. Yoshida was far from the first client he'd had with such desires. It wasn't something he thought twice about. That kind of thing was normal, wasn't it?

"It's nothing," he assured Nagisa, sliding his hands around the waistband of his trousers easily, teasing. "I took Y-——- a client after you shut the door in my face. Don't worry about it, it's fine, some people are just into that stuff." He shrugged one shoulder in a fluid motion, obviously unconcerned. Clearly the thought that his boyfriend might have a problem with his working after-hours had also not occurred to him.

Hyuk-jae was out of his mind with pleasure. Of course, he had to be patient, teaching Nagisa about what to do and where to touch him, but that was fine. It was enough that the younger man wanted to see his face, to be fully present with him. This was probably, he thought dimly, what his clients were seeking when they came to him. He had never experienced it before, certainly — and it ended much, much too soon. He knew Nagisa was inexperienced, and it wasn't like he hadn't enjoyed it… but he wanted more almost instantly, reluctant to let the shorter man pull away from him, curling up against his skin.

I love you.

"Yeah?" Hyuk-jae pulled fingers through Nagisa's hair. "I love you, too. Are you going to sleep, then?" The Firebender was easily capable of going again. Nagisa, on the other hand, seemed on the verge of passing out. "Hey. C'mon." Hyuk-jae shifted. He wasn't tired. On the contrary, he was more worked up than ever. Pressing a hot kiss to Nagisa's neck, he brushed the man's hair off the skin there, insistent. Sliding his hands down his boyfriend's torso, Hyuk-jae tested to see how sleepy he was.

At least they were both young. Nagisa responded to him as he rolled nipples between his fingers, nipping with teeth at the skin of his neck. It was obvious that the younger man was at a loss as to what Hyuk-jae wanted from him, but he could work with that. Straddling his boyfriend, he started all over again, taking as much time as possible. Learning to last took time, he remembered. They had time. Eventually, face to face, Hyuk-jae got what he wanted, even if it did wear Nagisa out entirely.

There was no keeping the younger man from sleep this time. Hyuk-jae curled up with him, both of them now exhausted. Sleeping until morning was easy enough for both of them as well, Hyuk-jae waking to shower and stretch and make coffee, shirtlessly puttering about the kitchen. He was a little distraught to see that Nagisa had basically nothing in his house to cook with. Hadn't the younger man gone to market?

By the time Nagisa came down, Hyuk-jae had picked up the living room, dusted a bookshelf, and washed the five empty mugs that sat in the sink. He fixed his boyfriend with a critical eye. "You went back to eating convenience food, didn't you?"
He'd managed to put together eggs and some stir fried vegetables, the usable bits he'd been able to salvage. As they sat down to breakfast, Hyuk-jae ruffled Nagisa's hair in an almost possessive manner.

"So…" the bruises on his skin stood out a mile by now, being a few days old and darkening in to purple. "What do you want to know?" He remembered Nagisa's being upset about his not talking about his family. "About me, I mean. You said I never talk about it. Ask me anything."

Nagisa seemed surprised. Hyuk-jae wondered why — hadn't the man complained about his not talking about himself?

"Why were you living in that place when I met you? The people were so mean to you, and it was in such a bad part of town!"

Shrugging, Hyuk-jae ate some of his eggs. "It was the only thing I could afford," he said, quite honest. "I had been kicked out of no less than three places prior for catching things on fire during a fit. I couldn't afford much food so I was just eating whatever — it makes them worse." He looked up from his food at Nagisa. "Does it bother you so much? It was a roof over my head. They let me stay even through the fits, so I didn't really think of them as mean." Actually, it was quite nice of them not to kick him out.

Nagisa looked thoughtful, chewing his vegetables slowly for a minute. "What about your parents? I mean — why can't you go home?"

Hyuk-jae looked down at the table, scooting his food around in his bowl for a minute before answering. "Um… my parents, they…" he swallowed. "It was a big blow to them, me having fits." He set his chopsticks down and picked up his coffee. "It started when I was really little. Five years old. I don't remember. My mother, she used to work doing laundry and mending. Dad works at the power plant. We needed both jobs to get by comfortably, and — after I started having the fits, she couldn't work any more. Dad had to do overtime all the time. I wasn't allowed go to school because it was too dangerous." He glanced up at Nagisa. "You know I'm a Firebender, right?"

"Have you ever had something in your life that was supposed to make you happy, supposed to be the best and most fulfilling thing in the world, and it turned out to be nothing but work and heartache? That's what I am to my parents." He explained how hard it was, living off just his father's wages. How they'd had to pay so much to healers. How he broke things all the time, couldn't remember things that happened, set stuff on fire. It was clear after a short time that Hyuk-jae thought his parents justified in severe punishments, like locking him in a closet for two days, just as it was clear why he had winced when Nagisa came towards him in the lockers.

"Did they kick you out?"

"Hmm?" Hyuk-jae looked up, surprised. "OH! No. No, I — I left. Dad said if I left not to bother ever coming back." He rolled his earrings in his fingers, an anxious habit. Was Nagisa going to ask why he left? It was awful to remember, visiting that old Waterbending healer, being told he needed something called surgery to 'spare the world' from his affliction passing on. He'd screamed at his father and been screamed at in return. Hyuk-jae could still remember the sting of his split lip as he threw things into a bag, preparing to leave. His mother hadn't even asked him to stay.

Hyuk-jae shrugged when Nagisa said he didn't know what to say. There wasn't anything to say, was there? Not really. It was what it was, nothing more. He could see, looking at his boyfriend, that he'd made him uncomfortable. This was part of why he didn't like to talk about his family. "Look, I'm sorry," he said, wanting to comfort Nagisa somehow. "I didn't mean to —"

"We can talk more about your past later, if you want." Nagisa interrupted him. He went on to say that Hyuk-jae looked uncomfortable, and the Firebender wanted to laugh. They were both thinking the same thing about each other, weren't they? "I'm fine," he said, although he wasn't sure how true it was. Talking about his family to someone like Nagisa… it reminded him that good families existed. Functional ones. He sighed and rubbed the back of his head, leaning back in his chair. "Anyway, that's — that's why, you know, you'll probably never meet them. Even… even as my boyfriend." Which he was. Right? Taking a deep breath, he continued, "Lee was, well, basically the closest thing I have. He was nice to me, let me stay with him sometimes." Of course, they'd met in less savory circumstances and if pressed, he'd not deny that he'd slept with the man.

Lots of times, actually. And not always for money. But he'd never been in love with him. No, it wasn't like that. Maybe it was just gratitude? A misplaced sense of loyalty or owed debt? He shook his head, coming out of his thoughts as Nagisa asked him for a favor.

"Can you... can you stop seeing people on the side, for... for doing, you know... stuff…"

He felt, more than saw, Nagisa's gaze on his neck and collarbone. The bruising. Lifting a slim hand, Hyuk-jae pressed them experimentally. It didn't hurt that much. Surprised, he looked back at his boyfriend's face. Nagisa looked embarrassed. "Does it bother you?" he asked, voice very soft. Narrowing his eyes, he leaned forward, trying to get his boyfriend to meet his eyes. "Nagisa, seriously. Does it bother you? Tell me honestly."

It wasn't that he minded stopping. It was just — if he lost his job at the Club for any reason, he couldn't afford to just hawk the paper. Did the younger man understand that? How tenuous his situation was, really? He doubted it.

It bothered him. Nagisa was trying to be nonchalant about it, but it was obvious. He was jealous, which Hyuk-jae could understand. Honestly, he'd never been in a relationship. He'd never had to think about anyone else's feelings about what he was doing. It paid the bills and was easy, and that was it. His roommates had never said a word about, not any of it.

"I mean, if it's about money, we can just put in extra hours? You know? If you need help, I want to be there, to help you."

"What if I lose my job?" Hyuk-jae asked softly. "It's happened to me more times than I can count. I have no reason to believe I won't lose this one, too. What then?" Would Nagisa expect him to just live off his pity, let him pay for everything? Nagisa couldn't host forever. He needed a Plan B. For a short time, Amon and his promise of removing bending had been Plan B — but that had panned out into nothing so, so quickly.

"So you don't have to see anyone else anymore, especially if they do... That, to you. That scares me. What if someone really hurt you, got carried away?"

Hyuk-jae shrugged. "I don't know. I've never thought about it. Does it look that bad?" Really? His orange eyes were wide, surprised. It had never occurred to him. Maybe it was because his father believed in corporal punishment. He couldn't imagine one of the clients actually injuring him, not seriously. But looking at Nagisa, it seemed like the younger man was truly scared.

Scared for him? Hyuk-jae reached across the table, linking their fingers. "Yeah, whatever. Fine. I'll stop. Whatever you want." Yoshida wasn't going to like it. He cringed to think about what he'd say when he told him no further arrangements would be made. The man had been very clear about looking forward to the next time, and his plans for him.

Ugh, not that Hyuk-jae would miss it. Certainly not. "It's not that bad, though," he said, trying to reassure his boyfriend. "Seriously, I just bruise easily. I mean, lots of people like choking and stuff like that, it's really not that abnormal. I'm just, you know, really pale." Why didn't Nagisa look convinced? It was the truth. He shrugged.

The Firebender just shrugged. "Nah," he said. "It's fine. I'll quit. If I lose my job we'll revisit the topic. Okay?" And that was that.

Except it wasn't.

"Do you enjoy it?"

Hyuk-jae laughed. "What, sex? Well, yeah. Sometimes. I'm not a huge fan of —" he stroked one of the bruises. "Y'know, this kind of thing. But everyone likes different stuff, I don't know. I, um." He blushed, pausing for a second. It took him a whole minute to swallow and keep going. "I've never… been with anybody I cared about." He caught Nagisa's eyes with his own. "Except you. That was a first for me."

It was funny. He'd never thought about whether he enjoyed it or not. Obviously he got off, of course. Plenty of times, especially when the client was interested in making it happen. But… it wasn't like what Nagisa was talking about, what happened between them. "Look, things between us, that's - that's different, okay?"

When Nagisa said he was scared, Hyuk-jae shrugged. "I'm fine," he insisted. "I'll be fine. Don't worry. It'll work out, one way or another." When Nagisa said he didn't want to tell him what to do, he laughed again. "I like it when you tell me what to do." There was a hint of heat and teasing to his voice as he got up to clear the table.

"You're right about Yoshida, though. He's not gonna be happy."

The next week they went in to work, in fact, Yoshida was on their list. With Nakamura, of course. Hyuk-jae's bruises had caused only a minor stir, as he had relied on his shirt collars to cover most of them with no extra help the past week. Their clients hadn't asked, anyway — it was obvious what they were. No one needed to inquire, though some of the ladies had given Nagisa rather scandalized looks. Could it be they assumed he was responsible?

That evening, as he scanned their list in the locker room, Hyuk-jae groaned. "Well, our businessmen will be here tonight," he said, glancing over at Nagisa. It was one of the Firebender's despised theme nights. His boyfriend, having opposite feelings about the night, was very excited as he dressed up in the traditional Earth Kingdom garb provided to him. Hyuk-jae was distastefully eyeing the Fire Nation outfit hanging across the room from him.

"I don't want to wear that," he complained again, for the fourth time. "Especially not for a company party. What's the point?"

Hyuk-jae hated, hated, hated, hated theme nights. He wished he could never work them, not ever. Putting on costumes and having people stare at him — it was intensely uncomfortable. Nagisa shoved the outfit at him, saying something about him looking sexy. Hyuk-jae glared at his boyfriend but took the clothing, mostly because he didn't have a choice.

Nagisa helped him put his clothes on, straightening him and puffing him and messing with it until he pushed him off, more put off than before. Somehow, it was worse to have Nagisa fuss over him. He did not need fussing over. He looked ridiculous. As the two of them entered the main hall, he sighed.

At least these kind of people were ones he was familiar with. In fact, did he see a familiar face or two from the Wooden Eye? It sure looked like it. Hyuk-jae checked his rotation to see if any of his old friends would be dropping by.

Unfortunately, Yoshida got to him very quickly, making veiled comments about his having booked him off the clock. Hyuk-jae, mortified, glanced at him but didn't say anything. The man settled an arm around him, sitting between him and Nagisa.
"Eunhyuk was even luckier last week. I had him all to myself." Yoshida squeezed his shoulder.
Hyuk-jae gritted his teeth. "Yes, you did," he said.
"He's really good, you know? A real good listener." The man laughed, trailing his fingers over the fabric of Hyuk-jae's shirt.

Nakamura seemed shocked, which was surprising to Hyuk-jae. Why? Didn't he know his own friend? The Firebender stared at him, eyes hard.
Yoshida wasn't picking up on the tension. "Don't tell me you wouldn't have your way with Shouta here, Nakamura."
Hyuk-jae leaned forward, still staring. "You wouldn't," he said, "now would you, Nakamura-ssi? You're a respectable guy." He grinned at Yoshida, all teeth. Nagisa was his.

He did his best to flirt with the man, but it wasn't as easy as before. Yoshida was insistently physical, moving his hands around, trying to put them places they didn't belong. The veiled comments continued, more profuse with more drink. Hyuk-jae shifted uncomfortably more than once, but it wasn't until the man's hand found a slit in the fabric that he really protested. Jerking away from him instantly, Hyuk-jae shuddered. "What are you doing?"
"What?" Yoshida looked very surprised. "C'mon, it's not like —"
"Stop it!" Pushing the man away, the Firebender scooted back in his chair.
"Don't push me!" They were garnering attention now. "Little shit — I paid good money for this, I always do. What's your problem?"

Muscles in his shoulders tense, Hyuk-jae cast his eyes around for Jainukul. He didn't know what to do. He'd never had the right to say no before, and the act of defying someone carried, in his experience, severe consequences. Fear crowded his mind for a minute as the businessman glared at him, obviously angry.
"I'm sorry," he said, blurting it out before he could think. "I just —"
"Damn right you're sorry. Get back here," Yoshida said, motioning at the seat next to him.
"But we're not — this isn't the place for… for that… kind of stuff," Hyuk-jae stammered, not moving.

Jainukul's hand on his shoulder brought a flinch from Hyuk-jae. Was he in trouble for saying no? Making a scene? He stammered an apology again, immediately, like a reflex. He was always apologizing.

Everything that happened next was a blur to him. Jainukul stepped in front of him and he shrank back a little more, her threatening tone not making him feel better even though it was directed elsewhere. Everyone was staring. Absolutely everyone. Please stop looking at me! He barely registered Nagisa taking his hand and tried to pull away at first, breathing accelerated.

It seemed that Yoshida was leaving, though he wasn't happy about it.

"Are you all right, Hyuk-jae? Are you hurt?"

The Firebender shook his head. He wanted to leave. Just… leave. Having no idea what to say he just stared at Jainukul for a moment. The elderly man bowed at him and he flinched again, terribly uncomfortable with all the attention. He felt like he might vomit.
"We would be appreciative if you did not press charges against him," the man said, his voice low. "And are willing to provide... ah... a gift, if you do not."

A gift? What did that mean?
Nagisa, holding his hand, had no such trouble collecting his thoughts. "You're trying to buy him," he murmured.
They were all still looking.
"N-no I —" Hyuk-jae was pushing away from everyone, still obviously not okay. Even Nagisa's closeness was too much. "I'm fine, I just — I'm fine." He took a steadying breath. "Please, just — can we not —"

Nakamura was the worst, staring at him with such a shocked expression. Why? Why was everyone looking at him that way? Couldn't they stop? Stop looking at me! Panic tightened his throat, squeezed at his chest. "I won't tell anyone," he managed to say, "please — just leave me alone."

Hyuk-jae spent most of his time unaware of how very stoic he seemed to people who did not know him. He was actually quite a fragile being, but it stayed hidden beneath a straight face and decent acting much of the time. Other employees of the Host Club were only familiar with him as Nagisa's partner, and assumed that much of the demeanor he wore with clients was real. Their clients thought him either an aloof and icy pretty boy or an outrageous flirt. His present behavior was so far out of sync from those personae that he seemed almost unhinged.

Jainukul moved towards him and he pushed back, not wanting her to touch him. Hyuk-jae didn't want anyone to touch him. He was just breathing so fast and it was hot in the room, wasn't it? And everyone was still staring.