Post by Deleted on Nov 8, 2013 22:21:03 GMT -6
The door in front of Tadashi looked just like the rest of the doors in the down-town tenement, physically at least. Like any door, it operated by swinging horizontally on hinges — in this case, inward to the individual apartment on the other side. It was a single solid piece with a handle on the side opposite the hinges, and a lock controlled from the inside right above the handle. It was painted some ungodly shade that no self-respecting highbrow would be caught dead wearing, and the paint was chipping slightly on the very top and bottom where it scuffed the lintel and floor. There was nothing particularly remarkable about the door itself.
But to Tadashi, it was the scariest thing in the world right now.
He lowered his hand, which was shaking terribly, temporarily abandoning his quest to knock. Right now he wanted nothing more than to be on the other side of this terrible door and sit comfortably with his friends as he had done so many times before. But he was scared nearly to death of how they might react. In his mind's eye he was all too able to picture Ren'ai yelling at him, shouting furious accusations and threatening him with the firebending of which he was so jealous, while Yuri stood there dispassionately behind her, sadly but stolidly reproving Tadashi... no, no no no. Tadashi always did jump to the absolute worst case scenario. Surely they had all been friends too long for them to dismiss him so callously... right? If they did reject him, at least they'd do so calmly and with some kindness. He hoped.
"Fear of a future that may never come to pass clouds one's judgement of the present which is still being directed," Tadashi said to himself, quoting his teacher Dorje from one of many lessons on emotional stability. It was a nice sentiment, but it had the feeling of... he didn't know really, one of those sage things that was meant to be read and not really understood. Even though he did understand it somewhat. The mantras felt more comfortable to Tadashi. Their easy repetition and simple meanings brought him back to centre. "Sabbe sattā sukhi hontu," he whispered, clasping a fist in front of the center of his chest — all beings, happy may they be. "Sabbe sattā sukhi hontu. Sabbe sattā sukhi hontu." He took another deep breath and forced a smile, and then muttered with slightly more hesitation, "Sabbe sattā abyapajjha hontu" — all beings, free from affliction may they be. "And that includes me." Though as absent from the Air Temple as he had been from his best friends' lives, Tadashi's faith and spirituality was the only thing that had kept him from losing himself to despair for the last few months.
If he was going to be free from affliction, then he had to face his fears and work through his guilt by talking to Yuri and Ren'ai. He raised his hand — it was still trembling, but not nearly as much — and struck the door several times. The knock echoed, to his ears, like a gong pronouncing judgement.
But to Tadashi, it was the scariest thing in the world right now.
He lowered his hand, which was shaking terribly, temporarily abandoning his quest to knock. Right now he wanted nothing more than to be on the other side of this terrible door and sit comfortably with his friends as he had done so many times before. But he was scared nearly to death of how they might react. In his mind's eye he was all too able to picture Ren'ai yelling at him, shouting furious accusations and threatening him with the firebending of which he was so jealous, while Yuri stood there dispassionately behind her, sadly but stolidly reproving Tadashi... no, no no no. Tadashi always did jump to the absolute worst case scenario. Surely they had all been friends too long for them to dismiss him so callously... right? If they did reject him, at least they'd do so calmly and with some kindness. He hoped.
"Fear of a future that may never come to pass clouds one's judgement of the present which is still being directed," Tadashi said to himself, quoting his teacher Dorje from one of many lessons on emotional stability. It was a nice sentiment, but it had the feeling of... he didn't know really, one of those sage things that was meant to be read and not really understood. Even though he did understand it somewhat. The mantras felt more comfortable to Tadashi. Their easy repetition and simple meanings brought him back to centre. "Sabbe sattā sukhi hontu," he whispered, clasping a fist in front of the center of his chest — all beings, happy may they be. "Sabbe sattā sukhi hontu. Sabbe sattā sukhi hontu." He took another deep breath and forced a smile, and then muttered with slightly more hesitation, "Sabbe sattā abyapajjha hontu" — all beings, free from affliction may they be. "And that includes me." Though as absent from the Air Temple as he had been from his best friends' lives, Tadashi's faith and spirituality was the only thing that had kept him from losing himself to despair for the last few months.
If he was going to be free from affliction, then he had to face his fears and work through his guilt by talking to Yuri and Ren'ai. He raised his hand — it was still trembling, but not nearly as much — and struck the door several times. The knock echoed, to his ears, like a gong pronouncing judgement.